I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize