Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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