I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
