so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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