I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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