it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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