Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
