You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
