If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
