Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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