I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
