Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize