I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
