I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
