I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
only you would photoshop your dick
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
