Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
