I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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