Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
