I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
