I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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