I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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