never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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