What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
