p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
