You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
