If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize