i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
