he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
