Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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