I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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