she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
