I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize