I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
