I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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