Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
