Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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