you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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