Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
