Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
two words...techno handjob
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
