how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize