If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
