Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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