I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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