I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
someone get that fucking seahorse.
someone owes me an orgasm
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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