You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
