I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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