I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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