Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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