We won't sleep together?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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