did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize