Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
