Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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