why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
