we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
