Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
