I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
