so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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