Swine flu. Run for my life!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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