dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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