my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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