I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
