No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
