just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize