i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
