The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
