All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
