I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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