i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They took my balls.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
