You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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