Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
