So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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