well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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