I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
