All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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