it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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