But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
