Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
