My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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