Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
