So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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