i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you had me at cake vodka
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize