I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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