I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize