so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
