It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
