Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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