I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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