I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
