so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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