I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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