So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize