Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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