we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
