just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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