Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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