We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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