4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
