yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
