cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
