His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
