I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
