i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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