Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
