I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
