wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
