At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
