I can text with my tongue
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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