So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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