is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
